Once, when I was a little girl, I watched a movie for the first time. It featured a ginger heroine, a Jamaican crab, and made one really believe that it would be better to live "under the sea." That movie was The Little Mermaid. Maybe you've heard of it? Once, when I was watching that movie, I noticed something. Something that intrigued me, that flipped a light switch in a dark wrinkle of my mind to "ON", that made me think, "BABOOM BABOOM." Ursula. More specifically, Ursula's derrier, like two basketballs fighting under a silken black blanket. I would have never thought that at the tender age of somewhere under ten, I would find myself mildly attracted to a sea witch. Much less one who, from the neck up, was definitely a cartoon representation of my Grandma. Believe I was more disgusted with myself than you are. But I exaggerate, and I digress. Still, I watch ladies leaving, and I think a myriad of thoughts such as, "dang" or "ewwww" or "pincher" or "bootay!" but never, "BABOOM BABOOM." No behind since has so nicely mimicked the perfect quaking roundness of two planets merging in a jiggling cosmic dance. The sashay of two orbital pendulums vying to keep meter. Maybe it was a fat ass, but when Ursula slithered around on her octet of tentacles, rotund rump rumbling in the process, something happened. History changed. I became an ass girl.